I'm sure many of you spent the weekend worrying and praying to various deities for my continued genital health and I'm happy to say it was successful - my early interpretations of various websites may have been slightly off. Never trust the Internet for medical advice!
Sentences such as "Varicoceles are a common cause of infertility" don't necessarily mean they pro-actively cause infertility, only that if you're already having difficulty reproducing, varicoceles are often the reason. So 40% of all infertile men have a varicocele, but that does not mean 40% of all men with varicocele are infertile. Until proven otherwise, it appears that the world is still at risk of being overrun by "Little Vienneaus".
Actually, based on my experiences (or lack thereof) in the last few weeks, the dangers of me procreating seem frustratingly low at the moment so the world remains safe for now. As always, I remain ever hopeful for a turnaround in fortunes.